Hi guys,

I know I have not blogged much lately - and frankly, I don't feel like writing much now.  I just wanted to give you guys an update.  After a full year since we first filed for divorce, Priti and I are finally physically separated.  We've agreed to a fully joint custody agreement with Sachil, and she and I are now finally living in different homes.

I have wanted to expedite this process and was really eager to get to this point so that I could start living my life again.  However, now that it is here, I am finding myself really depressed and lacking energy.  In our custody agreement, I have Sachil in the beginnings of each week, Priti has him at the ends, and we will be splitting weekends.  Since I came back from Albuquerque, Sachil has been with Priti - and I have been by myself for the last 4-5 days.  And although this is exactly what I had wanted, I am suddenly feeling a lot of the malaise and sadness that I did not allow myself to feel while going through the process all last year.  And although I have been away from Sachil for a few days here and there before, I've never missed him as much as I do now.  I guess the realization that after seeing him more or less every day for the first (almost) four years of his life, I am now going to see him only half the time - is really hitting me a lot harder than I had anticipated.

I have found myself lacking the energy to do much of anything.  I also did something stupid - which was to try and throw myself into poker to take my mind off of my depression.  That is always a terrible idea, and consequently, I have started this year horribly at the tables.  I'm really disappointed with that, because after struggling with not playing my A-game for much of last year (especially the last few months), I was really looking forward to a great start to this year.  I have really run ridiculously badly - having some of the worst beats and coolers in a short time period that I have ever had (today alone, I lost THREE times with an overfull against quads - and that was just the beginning of it).  But I have also played badly.  This will be my fifth year as a full-time professional poker player, and much as I try to get around this fact, I simply cannot play well when I am feeling like crap personally.  Some people are good at blocking out their personal distractions and not letting it affect them at the tables.  I am obviously not one of them.  

Before this year, I have always started my years off really well.  I know it is just a psychological thing to separate your results my year, but it is really frustrating to start the year in such a big hole after just a few sessions.  

Anyway, that is the bad news.  The good news is that of course, although the divorce is not over yet, finally being able to live separately from Priti is a huge step.  I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel of this divorce.  And because I will no longer have the latent stress that accompanied living with her, I expect that things will be a lot better for me personally and professionally soon.  I guess I just have to "get used" to the new life and get used to seeing Sachil only half the time.  Once I am psychologically OK with that (again, I had not expected  to feel as badly as I do at this point), I think that I will be a lot happier than I have been in a long time.  And I expect that once I get my personal life in order, I will finally start playing some good poker again.  I was really hoping for that to have been the turn of the year, and although I (and the bad beat and cooler Gods) let me down in that regard, the turnaround will be coming soon.

The only positive right now is that I am kicking butt in fantasy EPL.  I am in first place in our league, #32 in the USA, and 1177th in the world right now.

Going to sign off for now.  I'll be back once I get myself over this malaise and general lack of energy ...