Well, those of you that follow my blog know that this has been a long, tough year for me.  Normally, I really enjoy reflecting upon the year past when a calendar year comes to a close and recalling all of my endeavors and experiences.  But this has been the worst year of my life - both in poker and in life (the former obviously directly related to the latter).

As far as poker is concerned, I started the year moderately well.  But as my life became more and more difficult, logistically and emotionally, my game started to unravel a little.  Though not the worst in terms of total amount (because I used to play higher), I went through the longest (in terms of time) downswing of my life.  I think I did do fairly well to keep the losses from being catastrophic:  it was more like a long break-even streak than a long losing streak - but it certainly wore on me.  Losing sessions frustrated me, and I did not even enjoy my winning sessions.  I took a short break from the tables a few months ago, watched a few of Tommy Angelo's videos (thanks for the recommendations guys), and went back to the tables with a clean slate.  I did turn it around after that, and feel like I am playing for the right reasons - and unsurprisingly - playing well again.  I still am playing fewer hours than I ever have as I manage the logisitics of the divorce, but I do have my confidence back and am expecting a big 2010.

Personally, this year has, to put it mildly, really challenged my mettle.  Last year was difficult:  my marriage fell apart over the course of 2008.  But this year has been so much worse:  I think that most people that have gone through a divorce will tell you that it is one of the most traumatic and difficult experiences that one could endure.  In my case, it has been that much worse, because we have been stuck living together the entire time while in a somewhat combative divorce.  Because neither of us could afford to move out (lest the other change their mind about split custody of Sachil), we were stuck living in the same house over the entire year, even as we continued to experience the anger, frustration, depression, and stress towards ourselves and towards each other.  I can say that while I did not handle this emotionally in a perfect way, I am pretty proud of myself for keeping myself fairly strong.  I am a pretty emotional person, and to survive this ordeal, I have had to turn my emotions off so to speak.  I feel like I have done that and have managed this difficult year as best as was possible for me given my psychological and emotional makeup.

I do believe that this is going to be over soon.  I am not sure what "soon" means, and I hesitate to venture any guesses.  But I can say that I have really high hopes for both the short and long term future.  It looks very likely that we are going to agree to a split custody agreement.  I think that despite our animosity towards each other, we have managed to keep Sachil as our first priority and I dare say that we have co-parented him very well.  Other than missing out on seeing his dad and his mom having a loving relationship with each other, I feel like Sachil has been raised in close to an optimal way given the circumstances.  I am thrilled that I will continue to be a major part of his life, and I also have a lot of confidence and optimism that we will raise him very well together.

One positive thing that has happened to me this year has been the Bluefire experience.  I am really proud and happy to have been a major part of this site.  I really enjoy teaching poker, which is something that I think I do every bit as well if not better than playing it.  And this website has given me the opportunity to really cultivate my passion for teaching.  I have also had the opportunity to work with some outstanding students - both in my private lessons and in my group lessons.  I have been really thrilled to see the rapid progress of my students, knowing that I have played a large role in their development.  I also feel really fortunate to have worked with the Bluefire team.  Even though I have not actually met any one of them yet, it has been an honor to work with Phil - a legend who is every bit as good of a guy as he is a poker player.  Jason, who is closer in age and life stage than the rest of the crew has been an inspiration.  I have discussed some situations with him - regarding poker and other things, and his super intelligent and ethical handling of every situation has been really impressive.  I have not had much opportunity to interract with Don, but I am really psyched to have him on our team.  It's not often that you find a player who can relate to the small stakes players and games - and be a crushing player and teacher in that regard.  Finally, Martin.  What can I say?  Because I am older, have a family (and thus don't travel or play live much), I have rarely (rarely = pretty much never) had an opportunity to talk poker with another great player.  I evolved my own game with no one to discuss stuff with over the years.  The few poker friends that I do have are either not at my level (sorry for the indulgence), primarily live players, or both.  So I can say that in working with him to make our collaborative videos, I have found myself being pushed, seeing things from so many different angles, and learning poker in a way that I had not thought possible.  And he is such a great (and hilarious) guy to boot too.  I can say without exaggeration that  working with Martin has easily been the best professional experience of my poker career.

Finally, I'd like to give a shout out to Bill and Wes.  Bill is the brains behind the entire operation.  He was a group student of mine a long time ago, and I am really pleased and flattered that he and Phil wanted me to be a part of the Bluefire experience.  Over the course of the year, there have been more than a few logistical hurdles that we have encountered, and Bill has handled them with grace and dignity.  And what would I ever do without Wes?  He is our technical guy:  my savior time and time again.  As I'm sure you guys know by now, I am a total buffoon when it comes to techical issues, and without Wes to help me, I would have pulled out all my hair by now (and probably quit in frustration).  

So as I look ahead to 2010, I am filled with hope and expectation for a great year.  In terms of poker, I can guarantee that you will see the same (or better) samo that dominated online poker in '06 and '07.  The emotional fallout from the dissolution of my marriage clearly affected my poker game towards the end of '08 and much of this year, but I feel strong and confident - and believe me:  you will not want to be at my tables in 2010!  :)

And in terms of my personal life, I am excited, looking forward to a "clean slate."  I have to rebuild my life, make new friends, and find my way again.  But with the incredible relationship that I have with my son, coupled with the flexibility that my job provides me, I am looking forward to the journey.

Happy Holidays everyone.

P.S.:  in 3rd place with 1017 points in fantasy EPL.  will give details another time.