Welcome back to the jungle bitches, Mikey Stotz, coming hot and back in blogging action. I think you can chalk up the four month hiatus to me needing my ego stroked and having to hear that people want to read what I have to say. Well with my ego thoroughly massaged, I guess I’ll get back into it.
So I am writing this as I sit on the train from DC back to NYC and I just had a really embarrassing thing happen to me that I’ll drop on you. I am sitting in one of the four person table style seats where two seats face the other two seats across the table and I was alone until the Philadelphia stop, when this fresh little bunny got on and asked if she could sit in the seat across from me. She has a low cut shirt on showing off a fantastic set of boobs but also had a pair of sexy little glasses on so she’s not a total floozy. Of course I say yes and she sits down and we make some small talk for a bit before she takes out her laptop. Now she isn’t exactly my type, but a good looking lady nonetheless and the epitome of the type of girl that one of my good friends is into. I decided I would brag to him that this saucy little delight was sitting across from me by sneakily taking a picture of her with my iphone and then sending it to him. I waited for an appropriate time to strike and pretended like I was firing up a two-handed text and pointed the phone right at her. I thought I had turned the sound off on my phone, but I was clearly mistaken because when I snapped the sneaky picture, the sound went off and it was completely obvious what I was doing. She immediately looked up at me with a really confused face that kind of changed to disgust after a couple of seconds. I thought there was a chance that I would be able to play it off until I saw that she too had an iphone and knew exactly what was up.
On my walk back from Penn Station to my apartment, I saw this slob, creature-looking woman sitting on a street corner with a sign that said “I’m tired of prostitution: I need money. Please help!” It was a red light at the crosswalk, so I had a minute or two to think about this. I had a flood of thoughts and race through my head of things that I wanted to say and do to this woman. The first issue I had is that she used a colon where she should have used a semicolon. Initially, I thought she was a simpleton and didn’t understand proper grammar but then I thought that she might be leveling people by intentionally misusing a colon so that people think she is dumb and uneducated and incapable of doing anything but selling her snatch to local Johns. Upon further examination, I think the first hypothesis is most likely correct. The second and more troubling thought I had about this woman is the lack of effort she put towards her career. She was sitting on a crate, completely disheveled, at LEAST 65 pounds overweight, and stuffed into some ill-fitting camo jeans that her sag butt and truffle shuffle stomach were popping out of. She had no makeup on and looked like she hadn’t showered in weeks. Now I don’t know too much about prostitution, but I know that if I was going to become one, I would work on my already chiseled body to become more desirable to potential customers and drive up my price. It just makes good business sense to make yourself look presentable when that is your trade. If I were setting out to become a professional poker player, I would join training sites, utilize software like HE Manager, pokertracker etc, and study. I just do not think that she was putting in the necessary work to better herself which is clearly why she was sitting on a crate in the street begging passersby for money. I thought about giving her a piece of my mind but I didn’t think the street corner was the appropriate forum and I certainly did not want to take her into a store or alley to lecture her.
Again, no promises about future updates but I’m going to try to be a little more consistent than one every four months. If you haven’t checked out our new website, go to http://www.pokerstatic.com and check out the shows. Phil and I have a podcast with our friend Vanessa called “On the Table.” You can follow my twitter @ohheyitsmemikey.
Shout Outs –
Jasper – I heard that you met Phil when he was in Europe and that you read my blog. I am embarrassed about the mentions of your girlfriend and hope it wasn’t taken the wrong way. But Jesus, her fresh little Finnish body is fantastic. She is so good looking that she is hard to look at. Looking at her is like looking at the sun.
Ziigmund – your interview on pokerstatic reaffirmed why I think you are god’s gift to humanity. Thank you for being the person that you are.
Thuy – good job with not having cancer anymore. I can’t wait to see that little Viet ass in Vegas.