I can't talk to my mother so I talk to my diary

Oh hey again everyone, it’s me Mikey. Ask for more updates and you shall receive bitches.

So if you’re a loyal reader of my blog, you’ll know that I had a little legal trouble stemming from a few traffic incidents. My license was suspended because of incompetence that began in New York and stretched all the way to Las Vegas. I won’t tell the entire story, suffice to say that I was given tickets for my sister not wearing a seatbelt, running a left turn red arrow and not having my insurance card with me when I was pulled over. I am in Vegas for a few days this week so I decided I would clear the situation up. Now, I know the whole DMV bit has been hammered by every comedian since 1990 and is completely played out, but it takes a trip there to realize that it is the truth. Everything about it was remarkable. There were at least 55 stations for assisting customers and it still took me over an hour to get service. I simply cannot comprehend the creatures that were in the building. Don’t pretty people have to get their cars registered or renew their license? The average weight of a female throughout the facility, employees and customers alike, was well over 170 lbs. The average haircut was a mullet and the average outfit for both sexes was jean shorts and a sweat –riddled wife beater. I obviously didn’t expect the best customer service but what I got was still well below my already low expectations. I’ve found that when dealing with people that are exceptionally stupid, the best way to talk to them is as if they were a baby or a dog. It’s really important to use tone and inflection to get your point across instead of actual word choice. I found myself saying the harsh but necessary things in a sing-song manner similar to the way you would say “you such a good boy” as you pat a dog on the head. I was eventually able to get what I needed done and can finally legally operate a motor vehicle.

I know this is a poker website and I never talk about poker so to satiate the card geeks I have a poker story. As I said I am in Vegas for a few days and I went out the other night with a couple friends of mine. They were at dinner and I had already eaten so I decided to play $1-3 NLH while I waited for them to finish. As soon as I sat down I remembered why I hate live poker. I can’t believe some of the things that people say when they’re at a table. It’s disheartening to me to think about the friends of these people who play in their home games and reinforce their horrific poker jokes. I am glad that I have friends that would mash my face up if I said “next stop the flop!” or “stroodle.” So the hand goes two limpers before me, I limp J9s (spades…nasty) in mp and button raises to 12. Only one person calls before me and I call. This is about the 5^th hand since I sat down so I still have about $300. Flop is 99J rainbow. Check, I check because I want to pretend that I don’t have J9 in my hand so that they don’t realize that I’m winning. The button bets about 20 into 40 or so, call, I decide I’m going to spring the trap on them now and jack it up to $55. Call, call. Turn is an 8 and the first guy leads for 100, I call and the button ships it. Keep in mind that I am still really pretending that I don’t have J9. The first guy reships it and I call. They both had Q10 and push both their shit in and collect my score. I’m thinking about playing in that game more as my win rate is just over $100/hand.

 

Sorry, no shout outs this time. I haven’t had too much human interaction recently so no one comes to mind for shouting out.